Skateland: Brooklyn Park, MN

Cheap, awkward, and always a great time.

No, I’m not talking about yo’ mama.

We’re talkin’ SKATELAND, the setting of my Junior High Soap Opera.

Many a hand jobs were handed out by horny teens in the Skateland parking lot

This is where the shit went down. Too old for playgrounds & swingsets, and too young for keg stands, teens and tweens from around the area would come here to goof off, pine for their crush, snark on other classmates, play arcade games, and cut each other up with slap bracelets.

Skateland was a popular choice in the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s for birthday parties, school field trips and lock-ins, or even as a special night out for getting an “A” on your Amelia Bedelia book report.

I frequented Skateland between the years of 1989 – 1992ish and I have no idea when this place closed. I also know I don’t have any old pictures of this place.  After I started high school, my friends and I outgrew Skateland and never felt the urge to go back. As you can see from the recent pictures, Skateland is now a furniture store.

So pin your jeans, fan out your bangs like a peacock’s butt, throw a scrunchie in your hair, pop in a Milli Vanilli cassette — we’re going back to the early ’90s!

Skateland was a great place for lovelorn teens

My most vivid memory of Skateland was when I was in 7th grade, on Valentine’s Day, 1992. We held our class party at Skateland, so they bussed us over here from the middle school for the afternoon.

On the bus, tension was “snowballing” (tee hee!). Throw a bunch of 12 & 13 year olds going through puberty at a roller rink on Valentine’s day and the shit’s going to hit the fan. So many thoughts were swirling in my head! Which boy will ask me to skate? Will ANY boy ask me to skate? What if I fall on my rump in front of Matt? I am SO not skating with Pete if he asks me! HE IS SO GROSS!!! He put M&M’s in my Veryfine apple juice at lunch when I wasn’t looking! EWWWW!

Rowdy and jittery, the scene on the bus was pure pandemonium. This was PRE “video cameras-on-the-bus” days, so spitballs were flyin’, girls were engulfed in shrill “OMG WILL MY CRUSH ASK ME TO SKATE?” conversations, and Pete and Matt were taking turns whacking each other over the head with their Addison-Wesley Math books.  Our teachers and chaperons tried to give us stern warnings to stop, collaborate, and LISTEN, but it wasn’t working; we were too worked up.

The wheels on the bus went ’round and ’round until we pulled into the parking lot.

Time to get your ball bearings ‘cuz it’s ON.

Skateland was always kind of creepy, come to think of it. The place was dimly lit, smelled like soiled sucks, had gaudy dirt-disguising carpeting …hell, they probably allowed smoking for all I know.

The Butterfly, uh oh, that's old! LET ME SEE THAT TOOTSIE ROLL

My BFF’s and I rented our musty brown skates with orange wheels, and wheeled into to the creepy, dingy women’s bathroom. This was 1992 and bangs were an art. They could get pulverized by the strong weather elements from a short walk from the bus, and we just couldn’t let that happen.  Especially on Valentine’s Day.

Jenny brought the Aqua Net and I had the Malibu Musk.  Tracy had Love’s Baby Soft, but I quickly informed here that we are 13 now, and too old to be spraying ourselves in that shit. Boys are more sophisticated at our age & don’t want to hold hands with a girl smelling like she just changed a baby’s diaper. They crave a more worldy scent, like Exclamation or Malibu Musk.

We were holed up in the dimly-lit bathroom for a good 20 minutes, fixing our bangs in the streaky mirror and offering words of encouragement to each other before we rolled out onto the floor such as, “Oooh, Christy, you are ROCKING that scrunchie, girl!” “Oh no, Tracy, just a few light spritzes won’t do! You want Brian to ask you to skate, don’t you? …If you dump the rest of that bottle of Vanilla Fields on your neck, he will surely notice you!”

We skated out of the bathroom in a cloud of cheap perfume that followed us around like Pigpen’s cloud of dust.

We immediately noticed many of our classmates were skating around the rink, holding light-up roses in their hand.  Skateland was hawking glowing roses at a booth near the snack bar to celebrate the holiday. Here I was hoping that Matt would give me a TMNT Valentine’s Day card and handful of conversation hearts…but damn. A $6 rose? I hope he brought his allowance money…

Skateland was always kinda sketchy

The DJ started up our 7th grade anthem, Bohemian Rhapsody, so my BFFs and I headed out to the floor. We whizzed around, laughing and dancin’ and groovin’ to the music, and chasing boys around the slippery rink.

I wasn’t a bad skater. In fact, I was a MENACE on the rink. My years of figure skating paid off whenever I’d go to Skateland. When I noticed that Matt and Pete were watching us from their table in the snack bar, I’d do a “shoot-the-duck” move as I skated by their booth, hoping to turn their heads. Well, hoping to turn Matt’s head. I also got a few jealous evil eyes from this chick Jessica and her posse. My BFFs and I did not like Jess & the gang. Plus, she had a thing for Michael, a boy Sarah had her eye on.

When I wanted to pull out the REALLY fancy tricks, I’d make my way into the middle of the rink. This was the designated place where doing the type of jumps that only Kriss Kross can make you do. You didn’t dare do this stuff outside of the middle or else the Skateland “referee” would blow his whistle and scream bloody murder.

Chaperons and teachers kept a close eye on all of us, making sure no one breaks a tailbone or had any other type of maiming that would make Schwebel, Goetz & Sieben salivate.

Lots of skating games were played in-between the Paula Abdul/Rhythm is a Dancer/En Vouge-type songs…the Hokey Pokey, red light/green light, backwards skate, girls-only, boys only. You get the idea.

We were having a blast! Well, all but Christy. Christy was having a hell of a time on her skates and kept falling and disrupting the flow of the rink. She tried making a few laps by clutching the wall around the rink but eventually she was tired of being skating rink road kill, so she gave up and holed herself up in a snack bar booth, reading Sweet Valley High#48,  “Slam Book Fever.”

Then it happened.

The DJ announced COUPLES SKATE.

….

SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

A stunned hush blanketed the arena. This was IT.

The rink cleared off as the 13 year old bachelors skated off the rink to find a suitable bachelorette with which to cruise around the rink and hold each other’s clammy hands. If they could work up the courage to do so.

Sarah, Tracy, Jenny, and I all sat down on a bench, looking around for our crushboys. Christy was still at the snack bar, oblivious to the whole thing, enjoying a Tombstone-style pizza and reading her novel. Tracy spotted her crush, Brian over at the claw machine, trying to fish out a fake Rolex. Matt was playing some pinball game with a couple other boys.

WTF are these boys doing? It is COUPLES SKATE!

Shawn made his way over to us and asked Jenny to skate. Jenny was ecstatic! And he even gave her a rose!

Sarah was pining away for Michael, but she spotted him already on the rink, skating with Jessica. That bitch!

Sarah angrily stomped away to join Christy at the snack bar to drown her sorrows in a Dr. Pepper.

I looked over and saw Matt still very into his pinball game. Brian was still trying to win claw machine jewelry.

Boyz II Men’s “The End of the Road” was just starting up. Looks like no couples skate for me 😦

I sat on the bench, completely dejected, trying to hold back my tears as I  pretended to tie my skate laces. I had been looking forward to this field trip since the day I had my parents sign the permission slip. And all Matt cares about is that stupid Addam’s Family pinball game. My Valentine’s day was pretty much RUINED. The HORROR. I was just about to get up from the bench and make my way to the locker, to get my coat and coin purse, and to join Sarah and Christy & get some cardboard pizza at the snack bar, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

This is the little strip mall near Skateland

I looked up, seeing a boy in a No Fear shirt and bowl haircut. It was Pete. And he had a light up rose.

“Would you like to skate?” Pete asked as he handed me the electric flower.

I was stunned. This was the boy who teased me at lunch 5 days a week, putting grapes in my potatoes and smearing peanut butter on my long dog roll-up. At first, I thought, “Don’t stress, don’t stress, don’t stress, just tell him to the left left left!” but he was smiling and…and…kinda looked cute.

I obliged. Pete and I rolled out on the floor, holding hands, and waving to Christy and Sarah sitting at the snack bar.
When couples skate was done, I was in 7th grade heaven. Pete LIKED me. And…even after all the teasing he did to me, I found myself kinda liking him. Matt was STILL playing pinball. Fucker.

The day was soon over and we boarded the buses to head back to school. The ride home was much tamer, as we were all pretty tuckered out the skating, loud music, and eating too many cheesy pretzels. The lucky girls, including me,who got light-up roses played with them on the bus the entire ride home. Brian did end up getting his “Rolex” out of the claw machine, and was showing it off to all the kids on the bus. Pete pointed out that Brian’s wrist was turning green from the watch, but that didn’t stop Brian. He played it up and told everyone he was turning into the Incredible Hulk.

Carousel Bingo is still next door. I'm sure many parents dropped their kids off at Skateland and headed over to Carousel to win big.

And that was pretty much it. I’m not going to wrap this story up by telling you Pete and I got married or anything. I don’t really remember what the fallout of the Skateland Valentine’s Day party was. We probably still ate lunch together in our little group, and Pete probably still put corn kernels in my milk. Hell, Pete and I really didn’t talk much when we got to high school, nor did we go to Skateland. When we left middle school, we also left Skateland behind.

Yep. You get old and your idea of fun no longer involves showing off some fancy moves in the center of a roller rink. You’d rather hang with your buddies, drinking beer from a crock pot.

😦

Feel free to post your memories of Skateland in the comments!

This is next to Carousel Bingo

Photos taken May 2009.